Thursday, August 11, 2011

Believing in things we don't expect.

Every phase of life seems to come and go so quickly. I feel like I just barely put on my grad cap and gown and walked, but that was four months ago (kind of a long time!) and now I am moving to Provo in exactly two weeks. How much do I need to get done in two weeks? A lot. Like finish my scrapbook and finish good reading and detail my car and memorize lab values and play...
play very hard.
and it all will get done because I love checklists.

Can I say that this SUMMER has flown by and is ending so differently than it started?
Here I am saying it. That it is so much more full of life and glorious things than I ever expected
More than I ever expected. How often do we say that life has exceeded expectations?
Here I am saying it
that worlds can be opened to us that really didn't seem likely or desired or needed or possible
but they OPEN
like a good book that stays open for a very long time and we are changed
and we share it with other people and they change too
and we end up spending time in places we would have never ever thought
(and when I say "we" I mean me)
Me. Lindsey Anne. I am going to be an intern very very soon at Brigham Young... and I have been changed. I am excited to work in a hospital for the next 6 weeks
and I find slaloming exhilarating
I enjoyed making a budget today on (yes me, talking about money)
I'm getting a 4G phone in October (yes me, entering this century)
Now my favorite mornings are spent with mom and dad biking or swimming or hiking.
I didn't go to my ward's superactivity. I went to California with bestest friends instead
I played beach volleyball and spikeball and loved it
and expediting didn't stress me out yesterday
and I'm going with the flow and not wondering where the next marker down the channel is

...what has gotten into me?
I think I have come to the realization that I can do whatever I want. What I really really want.
I'm learning that what actually happens sometimes is actually better than what I even wanted in the first place
and that maybe expectations are funny things that should be thrown out and we should just
LIVE instead.
and when I say "we" I mean me. Lindsey Anne.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

This place.

I love this place.
I love walking with a backpack on this campus
this beautiful PLACE that used to be so scary to me when I first started
but now it feels so. much. like. home. and I love that I get another year here!
Another year of BYU football game diehardness
of studying in the library where it is quiet
buying groceries from my favorite store
going to ward prayer and FHE and seeing the people that I love
working out at the SFH and running with good buddies

It will be a rockin fall semester.

But now it is SUMMER, and I am not at this place. I am at this place and do I love it?
I love the early morning hikes up Adam's Canyon
the warm showers uninterrupted
boating. boating!
getting my hair done by my nieces and nephew, aka the best future hairstylists
the view from my house of the lake - I LOVE the view!
I love having a parking spot waiting for me.
And my family, always there. I love my family too. So much.

I love feeling free, not held back by the things that I used to be afraid of
not letting people make me feel small.
A year ago, I didn't use cruise control. Or drive and park in Salt Lake by myself
or run seven miles uphill
or mow the hardest lawn ever
I couldn't do that before.

Me won't hold me back anymore. There are things I want to do that I didn't even used to want to do
and now I can end up sitting on a porch swing for three hours with a book
or run a race. or a relay,
things I love that I didn't think were possible to love, and now they are a real part of me.
Writing helps me see the open door.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

This was today! I did it. Half marathon #2! My brother-in-law Jared and I took mom and dad's spots, so today my name was Janine and Jared's was Glen. We rocked it! I wasn't as nervous this time, although I should have been! Running 7 miles before the race isn't exactly training... but the course was so GLORIOUS and it was a beautiful day
and Jared is a great running buddy, although he is much more in shape than me and did most of the talking.
I love it. Running. I really do - the kind of running that makes you raise both hands in the air and exclaim AH! I LOVE THIS! IT DOESN'T GET BETTER THAN THIS!
the Gu and the carb loading and the powerade
volunteers with signs that say You Got This!
the perseverance quotes like Pain is temporary, but pride is forever, so shut up and run

What else do I love about running?
Creating a new playlist on the pod with all my new favorite songs, especially this one that came at mile six
and this one at mile 11,
the people in my miles who keep me going, even if their songs come later than I was hoping
I love the journey. I set my cruise control and there was this fire in me to keep going
and I kept going.

There were a lot of favorite parts, but my two very favorites:
seeing the temple when I turned the corner for the last mile, and seeing my PARENTS with a half mile left to go. They were THERE! They found me and ran with me and took pictures and encouraged me on and were so proud that I was 20 minutes faster than last time

and I shouted at the top of my lungs that I hate dietetics and I hate dietitians and I hate that I have a degree in dietetics and that I hate I'm becoming a dietitian
because last night after my (HORRIBLE) day at work at the hospital, Dad said that I should shout curses on dietetics as I crossed the finish line...
and I did. Dad gives great advice.

And today? It was a good day at the hospital, and I'll probably still become a dietitian.
And forever? I will love running.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Trying Recipes in Gluten-Free Land

Sometimes THIS is what it takes to see that a gluten-free recipe from online isn't very good... Whenever some newbie celiac gets something even remotely edible to work that's gluten-free, they slab it up on every website and label it as "World's Best Gluten Free____________!"
But in reality, the recipe author is just overzealous. Look at these disasters!

When I smelled the warm carrot-cake cupcakes warming up in the oven, I didn't expect my whole tin of batter to be running over the sides and dripping onto the oven floor! I was all alone, in my parent's house, and I laughed outloud
laughed really hard at myself and that the fact that
sometimes having this disease is hilarious.

I got tired of my adventures turning out this way, which is why I said goodbye to my "from-scratch" cooking and said hello to Betty Crocker. She knows what's up.
I no longer need to convince myself that cooking from scratch is superior. It's not.

I made no-bake cookies to make up for my long lost carrot-cake cupcakes :)

Maybe I should post about graduating from college, or about being a big girl and taking care of my parent's house while they are in Israel
or about starting a new job at an amazing hospital
all of that is happening to me right now too,
but I couldn't keep these beauties all to myself. Want to come try them?

Friday, March 18, 2011

It's Tomorrow!

The half marathon. It's really here! And I would love to say that I'm stoked and it's everything I've been waiting for
and that I'm super buff and that I'm a legit runner and that I'm going to ROCK it
but right now all I can say is that...
I'm kinda nervous.
I've never done a half marathon, I've never even been an athlete and... all the girls I'm going with ARE.
But I am me. Lindsey Anne. And three years ago? I couldn't even jog thirteen minutes. And tomorrow, I will run thirteen miles. I will. It might take me an hour longer than everyone else, but that's okay.
I'm still me, and it's my goals and my time and my experience that doesn't need to be compared to anyone else's. It's not a race. Just an experience--that I will love, if I conquer my fear.

Can I list all the things that could be worse at this point?
The muscle I pulled in my leg three weeks ago could still be hurting, but it's not hurting. Yes!
I could be sore from working out too hard, but I'm not sore.
It could be higher altitude and harder, but it's not. Moab is lower altitude, warmer, and BEAUTIFUL!
I could be going with people who don't care about me. But these girls, although they are much more in shape than I am, really care for me and are my best friends. They'll wait and they won't make me feel dumb.
I could be sleep deprived or sick, and I'm not. I'm healthy.

And there is a big part of me that is incredibly excited. Carb loading, stretching, layering up, wearing an iPod, talking with people along the way, shedding those layers
and running distances I would have never thought possible,
A road trip with my dearest dietetics friends, doing something I've never done before.
I can do hard things.

Thursday, February 24, 2011


Harold Crick taught me a lesson today.
My answers always seem to come in the strangest places
Sranger, perhaps may be a better word.
Or Fiction.
All good answers have something to do with feeding the people you love
with baking, and sharing it, and forgetting about the taxes

or living your life, without counting your steps or the number of tiles in the room
because you know why you are living that life and with each strum on that guitar that rocks, you discover more confidence

And given the chance to read the end of the story, even if it's just an outline
would you hand back the manuscript and say

I liked your story. Especially the part about the guitars.
And accept the fate you're given, even if you're not in charge because you are not the author
even though you sometimes think you are

Or would you freeze in fear and stop living your life, because you know you'll die at the end. ?

Harold Crick didn't.